Hey Bryan I know I have not posted in a while thats becase I have been stuck in Utah. I wrote this for history and was wondering when you read it if you could critique me on it. not on the information stuff but the writeing part. thanks.
There were many innovations during the Renaissance. In my opinion The Printing Press, Microscope, And the Telescope were the three greatest innovations of the Renaissance. There are many reasons why I think that these three items are at the top of the list. Each item affected life in its own different way.
The printing press, in my mind, was the greatest innovation during the Renaissance. The printing press made it easier to mass produce books. It also helped books to get distributed through out Europe so ideas and news spread more quickly. With books becoming cheaper more people could become educated easier. The printing press also helped with the spread of Christianity with the mass productions of the bible. These are just a few reasons why the printing press was such a great invention.
The Microscope was another one of the great innovations of the renaissance time period. The Microscope helped out with the medical advances. It let people look at bacteria that could be causing disease and sickness. With the understanding of what caused certain diseases they could start treating them and saving lives. This invention started to let people know what our body is made up off.
The telescope was a great innovation for the science community for many reasons. The telescope was able to show people that the earth, in reality, did revolve around the sun and not the other way around. It also showed people that there are different planets in our solar system and the earth is not the only planet. The telescope showed us the vastness of space and how small we really are.
Each of these innovations helped out with life during the Renaissance for every one.
Anyone else can critique this if they would like.
3 comments:
is it working now?
I had good quality feedback written, and it glitched on the post because I wasn't "signed in" right. Now on to the feedback again.
(some of the wording is the same, as I remember it)
Wow! You really do know how to use punctuation! The commas and sentence structure are used the same way I write.
Good argument structure, paragraph structure, and sentence structure. You lay out your thesis in the intro, and address each issue in order. Your paragraphs each flow through concrete points supporting your selections, and conclude each paragraph with a comprehensive statement treating the usefulness of the invention. Your sentences each contain a complete thought, and flow well from one to the other.
I always had trouble with conclusions, and your conclusion looks like one of mine. The conclusion of my book was the hardest part, but when it came together, it was pretty darn good. Somehow you tie it all back together without repeating your intro. You did that (like I always do), but do it too quickly. I don't know what to tell you.
I also like the cohesiveness of your selected inventions. 1) Ability to share human knowledge. 2) Ability to gain knowledge of things really, really small. 3) Ability to gain knowledge of things really, really big. It shows you really thought about your selections, and that you had a common criteria by which you judged the value of each invention. That criteria being, it's contribution to the whole of human knowledge.
Actually, that would make a good conclusion. It ties them all back together.
All in all, well done. I think you can see how you could take any one of those paragraphs on each invention, and further articulate each of the arguments you presented. That's how brief concise papers like this grow into ridiculously expansive books.
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